Read an interesting counter intuitive thought today in the book "Bonds that make us free, healing our relationships, coming to ourselves." It's about true forgiveness.
It's illustrated in a story (true story but the name is changed). Lindsay was abused as a child. Much of the troubles of her life in one way or another stemmed from these early events involving a parent. Strong emotions clouded everything from social interactions, to her work and personal relationships. This went on for years and years. As she grew and matured she desired to have inner peace and saw she needed to forgive the perpetrator. This did not discount the incorrect things that had taken place, or make them somehow acceptable, but the forgiveness would free her from the inner prison and pain she had been living in. At one point it dawned on her that she had been wanting an apology before she would forgive. That wasn't true forgiveness, she continued to seek an answer and it soon dawned on her that she also needed to forgive the perpetrator for things SHE had done. She had been harboring terrible hatred, resentment and anger, as well as piling a lifetime of blame on them. This was her doing, and it was preventing healing. She found a burst of freedom by asking the person to forgive HER of all the anger and hatred and blame she had held towards them. Once she no longer needed to justify how wronged she had been, the heart softened and amazing healing began. Old patterns gave way to new life. What mattered most was not the past, but the present state of her own heart. Forgiveness heals even the deepest of wounds.